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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29879415">How to live thereby?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CristinardVaya/pseuds/CristinardVaya'>CristinardVaya</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: The Original Series</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A little bit of TOS Spones, Emotions, Episode: s02e04 Mirror Mirror, M/M, Psychological Trauma, Star Trek TOS Spoilers about some episodes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:54:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,008</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29879415</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CristinardVaya/pseuds/CristinardVaya</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dr. McCoy develops a trauma when he goes to the Mirror universe and has to fight against this trauma in order to get back to his old self. Spock's help is essential to overcome it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Spock</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>How to live thereby?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            A translation of

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29663559">¿Cómo vivir así?</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/CristinardVaya/pseuds/CristinardVaya">CristinardVaya</a>.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This post is a translation of one of mine, which was inspired by a post in Tumblr.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   That ion storm was the culprit of all. Well, rather, it was the trigger. So, what happened? The question is not easy to answer. What an ordinary person would have seen from the inside is this: the moment he had been transported, a great light would completely submerge him. After that, strange sounds from nowhere would flood his ears. The transport would take longer than usual to retrieve him back to the ship, because of the ion storm, but thanks to an expert on the thing, they would manage to fix it and he would materialise there. So far so predictable, considering the inconvenience of the storm. However, upon becoming conscious, once the transport was over, he would see that his attire had changed. Disoriented, he would look around and see the people he has known since he enlisted on the ship, albeit somewhat changed. Whether it was their clothing or their new menacing and permanently angry expressions, he couldn't tell.</p>
<p>   How to explain this... Most would define it as a journey between different universes that are colliding beyond comprehension. This journey would be aided by the ion storm. As the transported person split into their atoms, they would travel along some sort of highway between realities until they are replaced by the atoms of that person's self in the other universe, and when recomposed they would find themselves somewhere else. The positions in essence may have remained the same, but each person was in the universe of the other. This parallel reality is called the Mirror, as it is like a reflection of the "original". Apparently, the same people existed in both, but in the Mirror they had completely different behaviour: they were violent, sadistic... in short, more like an evil version of themselves than anything else. And the ions had distorted the time-space dimension so much that they had joined that place in both universes.</p>
<p>   For Dr. McCoy, experiencing this was too much for both his understanding and his emotions. It was true that he was with Jim, Scotty and Uhura, but these three had been trained for dangerous, borderline situations like this, and he was just a doctor. No matter how much he knew about medicine, it wouldn't help him get out of that crazy place, let alone cope with it. As he appeared in the ISS Enterprise transporter, he noticed something was wrong. He glanced at the people who were controlling the transporter machine and recognised someone. Spock. "Is that Spock?" he asked himself. He had the pointed ears, his peculiar eyebrows and surely, also the green blood, but... he had a beard... Spock with a beard? The doctor had never imagined him like that. Curious as it was, something inside him told him that this Spock was not only different from his universe in facial hair. His fears became true when he asked a crewman for his "agoniser" for not having solved the transporter problem. The simple word gave him a shudder. As soon as Spock used the agoniser on that guy, his blood ran cold. It was obvious what that thing was for, but watching the guy writhe in pain made his stomach churn. What if Spock went after them now? Would he be able to use the agoniser on McCoy? Bones' first thought was that Spock would never do it, his Spock, but that wasn't the same. Hearing Jim's voice calmed him a little bit. He sounded disturbed, but able to control the situation. After all, no one knew they didn't belong in that universe, and Kirk was still the captain.</p>
<p>   Once that situation was over, McCoy and the others went straight to the medical area. This place, the doctor thought, would help him calm down, it was where he spent all day, and he had grown rather fond of it. As soon as he entered, he felt a bad vibe coming from the place, and soon discovered why: his medical equipment had been transformed into instruments of torture, some of them even medieval. What kind of person was his Mirror universe self? He was not a doctor, he was an executioner. The very thought of imagining himself slowly approaching a blade to the face, not to think the eyes, of a patient horrified him so much that he wished he were a Vulcan so he wouldn't feel anything. He couldn't stand that madhouse any longer. He felt like screaming, crying and running far, far away, but he restrained himself. He looked at his friends. They didn't know what he was going through. He never told them how he felt, he didn't like to talk about it with anyone, McCoy was a very private man. So he suppressed all his worries to himself and began to listen to the escape plan.</p>
<p>   Knowing that they could go back to where they came from comforted him, mainly because he had been watching patients being tortured by Mirror Chapel all day. Admittedly, he couldn't look at it for more than 10 seconds. "A doctor heals his patients, he doesn't provoke pain for mere pleasure," he repeated to himself, trying not to reproach Chapel, as that would sound suspicious, and they had enough on their plate with Jim.</p>
<p>   Once his plan worked, he was overjoyed. At least, until Mirror Spock showed up for answers. Things got complicated when Sulu and a few others went to kill Kirk. Among the four of them (with a little help from Marlena Moreau), they knocked them out. Well... exactly, only Sulu and Spock were left alive. The latter, however, took a big hit to the head. McCoy, driven by his doctor's instinct, wanted to stay and make sure Spock was all right. Later, he would regret it.</p>
<p>   Mirror Spock awoke as if nothing had happened to him, lucky to be half-Vulcan. He rose slowly until he sat up on the gurney while gripping the doctor's wrist tightly. This one was surprised. He hadn't expected Spock to be conscious so soon. Surprise quickly turned into uneasiness and a certain panic as he saw his patient stand up and push him toward a wall while staring unblinkingly into his eyes, as if he could read his thoughts. McCoy's body was unresponsive. All he could do was step backwards. His heart was beating faster than ever, his breathing was rapid, and he could feel himself beginning to sweat. He couldn't look away, terrified, from this Spock. He reached the wall, it was no longer possible for him to go back. That didn't matter to the bearded Spock, and he continued to approach him very slowly. He held the doctor's hand at chest level, and his other hand rested on his face, pressing on specific points to use a Vulcan technique, mind melding. Within moments, the doctor's entire mind would belong to him.</p>
<p class="font-green">   - <em>Our minds are coming together. Our minds are one. I feel what you feel. I know what you know.</em></p>
<p>   McCoy closed his eyes almost forcibly, and began to see images of his past experiences, as if his memories were a videotape that Spock had started. He saw his youth, his years in Starfleet. The first time he went aboard the USS Enterprise, the first time he saw Jim and Spock, appeared before him. He remembered good moments, like when Spock was by his side when he injected himself with the vaccine that almost killed him when they travelled to that planet so similar to Earth where there was a disease that killed adults, or that time when the Vulcan was happy to see Jim alive after fighting between them after having faked the death of his captain with a substance so that Spock would survive a Vulcan biological ceremony. After those good times, he wanted to see the pain the doctor kept to himself. He saw experiences like when they transported back to the 1960s to prevent him from saving a woman from being run over so he wouldn't change history, or when the daughter of a former dictator (who killed half the population of the colony he ruled) killed her own father by mistake in an attempt to kill Jim, one of the few eyewitnesses who could recognise him. But, what really brought a tear to the doctor's eye was the death of his father. He had a disease he didn't know about, for which he couldn't find a cure. Shortly after he had let his father die to avoid his pain, he discovered the solution. He could have saved him if he only had allowed him a few more days to live. He would never forgive himself for that. All those past experiences were what made McCoy just the way he was, willing to sacrifice himself for the loved ones, especially Jim and Spock. Mirror Spock's mind-meld continued, delving deep inside him, searching for the essence of Bones, until this one was breathless, exhausted, drained of strength, mentally and physically.</p>
<p>   He finished the mind-meld once he knew what had caused this McCoy to be there. He let go of the doctor's face, which was resting on his hand since he  began to penetrate deep into his mind. Bones was barely conscious. He managed with great effort to open his eyes, but his gaze, along with his head, was directed to the floor. His legs were shaking, unable to keep him upright, even though he was leaning almost completely against the wall. He ended up on the floor, his left arm still gripped by Spock. This one pulled on it and managed to lift him up. He held him up by pressing the doctor's exhausted body against his own. As soon as McCoy was able to put his feet on the floor, he carried him half dragged to the transporter room, where Jim, Uhura and Scott were waiting for him. Everything else until he got back to his universe he didn't remember clearly.</p>
<p>   A few days later, everything on the Enterprise was back to the way it was, Uhura sending a message to Starfleet, Chekov saying that meatballs were created in Russia, Sulu talking about World War I weapons, Scotty enjoying his magazines on mechanics... Apparently, it was as if nothing had happened, Kirk was still  measuring up as captain, not to mention Spock, who continued to test his hypotheses with accurate and precise results. And McCoy? The doctor remained in his beloved medical area, with a Chapel who no longer wished to see the suffering of her patients. Everything, at first glance, was like in the beginning. Though there were things that could never be erased, things McCoy would never forget, and it was those things that made him not the same as before. Now, Bones didn't feel as satisfied healing the sick. It wasn't because he didn't like it, not in the least, but because of that experience which it seemed everyone had forgotten but him. It brought back such bad memories that he couldn't sleep at night, he felt insecure, nervous, permanently disturbed. He didn't feel like eating, he didn't smile like he used to, he didn't have pleasant conversations with Chapel, and, above all, he didn't get close to Spock. A trauma had been generated inside him, and no matter how much he thought that Spock and the one from the Mirror were not at all the same person, his subconscious couldn't help but be alert and fear him every time he saw him, every time he heard him, every time he felt him, no matter how far away he was. The mere thought that he had to stand beside him, simply to listen to his captain's orders, already horrified him. It was an irrational fear, but incredibly strong (perhaps because Spock and the one from the Mirror were different only in the beard). And what was worse, he couldn't share that fear, that trauma with anyone. He was the Enterprise doctor, he was the only one who knew how to take care of the physical and mental health of the crew members, only he knew how to deal with such a delicate subject. He had so much and so little at the same time... He knew how to heal the mental wounds of others, but he was incapable of alleviating his own. Worst of all was not his trauma, but hiding it from other people. McCoy didn't dare telling anyone, it was too personal to be discussed with anyone, and the only one he could trust was the one he feared the most. He wanted to talk to someone, to shout it out as loud as his vocal cords could, he wanted to... no, he needed to get it off his chest, but he just couldn't. He slept little, and when he did manage to sleep a wink, the nightmares appeared. He slept little, and when he did get some sleep, the nightmares came. They were all related to the Vulcan and to a not very pleasant sensation. It was like being emptied from the inside, not in the sense of having his organs removed, but in the sense of losing all his memories, being erased or stolen. Without them, McCoy was not him, to put it simply, he did not exist. He was stripped of his whole being. Putting it this way, it doesn't sound like much, but it is made different by having experienced the mind-meld with Mirror Spock.</p>
<p>   A few weeks later, McCoy knew he had to let it go. It was difficult, but if he wanted the torture to end, it was the only solution. Besides, he could see the Vulcan was keeping an eye on him more than usual. He was probably trying to find out why the doctor wasn't behaving as usual, it was strange that he hadn't reproached him since then. In fact, Spock didn't remember ever speaking to Bones again, and he had the feeling that he was avoiding him. Whenever he went to sickbay, he didn't see him around, and he didn't go up to the bridge as often as he had before. McCoy knew that he suspected something, so he decided to face his fear. Day by day he recovered from the past. He met with Spock again to discuss anything and at last he was able to sleep with relative peace of mind. Everything was getting on the right track until something else happened.</p>
<p>   The doctor never thought he would have to do it again, the mind-meld, and with the one he least wanted to do it with. When Spock mentioned it to him, McCoy had an unpleasant shudder. Although the Vulcan asked him if he was willing to do it, he had no other choice, it was mandatory for him to experience that technique in order to survive this mission. As soon as he saw Spock slowly approaching him, his heart began to beat faster and faster, his breathing was uneasy and sweats began to run down his temples. He remembered the sensation he had felt when he mind-melded with Mirror Spock, and that sensation brought back the fear he thought he had forgotten. Before the Vulcan put his hand on the doctor's face, McCoy imagined, as if it were happening all over again, Mirror Spock pushing him against the wall, and him completely defenceless. He saw him in front of him, the scene that had once happened was replaying in his head, and Bones thought it was real.</p>
<p>   The mind-meld began. The Doctor felt the same as the other time, even though the Vulcan wasn't even scratching the surface of the iceberg that was his being. The Mirror Spock that his brain remembered was once again delving into his mind without his consent, without any respect for his privacy, going as deep as possible, wearing him down from the inside, depriving him of who he was. His whole essence, his whole being, was shared with him, without being able to refuse, without being able to put up the slightest resistance. It was shared with someone he knew nothing about and yet he did, someone who was capable of doing anything in order to achieve victory in his plans, just like anyone else in the Mirror. He felt as if he was being stabbed in every part of his body and mind with a dagger, which was capable of causing his death, but did just enough damage to let him suffer without it happening. This dagger was piercing a wound that had not yet healed, and logically, the wound was increased.</p>
<p>   After Bones had experienced the Vulcan mind-meld again, Spock sensed that he was not well. It wasn't related to common illnesses like colds or any other ailment. No. It was something to do with McCoy's thoughts and memories. He had gone back to the routine of not sleeping, and avoiding any contact with the Vulcan. He shared his hypothesis with Kirk, who coincided in his opinion. You'd have to be blind not to see that something was wrong with the doctor. That's why Jim tried to talk it over with him. However, McCoy simply excused himself by saying that he was tired and he needed a holiday. It was clear that he wasn't going to tell him just like that, and since Spock was the only one who had any idea of what was going on and McCoy was avoiding him at all costs, Kirk decided to trick the doctor into spilling the beans.</p>
<p>   McCoy was running down the corridor towards Kirk's room. A few minutes earlier, he had received a call from his captain that he was not feeling well and had described his symptoms. The door opened and he rushed into Jim's quarters.</p>
<p class="font-dimblue">   -<em> Jim! The symptoms you have described are those of bubonic plague! It is necessary to-</em></p>
<p>   He shut up and stared at his captain. He seemed to be perfectly all right. He was sitting on his bed with a serious face. He looked to the wall to his right and there was Spock, expectant of what might happen. The doctor wasn't sure of his intentions.</p>
<p class="font-dimblue">   - <em>What the hell is going on here? Why did you tell me you were sick?! You want to give me a fit? That's not something to play with, Jim!</em></p>
<p class="font-murkyyellow">   - <em>I'm aware of that, but I had to make you come. I knew you wouldn't come if I told you Spock would be here too.</em></p>
<p>   McCoy felt cheated, but he couldn't reproach him, some part of his inside felt guilty about it.</p>
<p class="font-dimblue">   - <em>Damn it... What do you want? I don't have much time, there are patients to attend to.</em></p>
<p class="font-murkyyellow">   - <em>Bones, sit down with me. This issue may be a little difficult for you.</em></p>
<p>   The doctor insisted that he was in a hurry, so he did not sit down.</p>
<p class="font-murkyyellow">   - <em>Spock and I have noticed that you haven't been yourself lately. You seem distant, more distracted and tired, in a bad mood, and you don't talk to anyone.</em></p>
<p>   Before McCoy answered, he digested those words. He hesitated to tell him everything, but was unable to.</p>
<p class="font-dimblue">   - <em>This is ridiculous! You bring me here to talk about something that I think has already been settled. I told you it was just tiredness. Now let me do my job in peace!</em></p>
<p>   The doctor finished what he had to say and turned around, intending to leave. However, Spock arrived at the door before him and blocked his exit. Bones didn't dare to look up. Being so close to the Vulcan gave him a shudder. This one noticed how intimidated McCoy felt.</p>
<p class="font-green">   - <em>Doctor, the captain and I have conclude that there is something that keeps you abstracted and constantly frightened.</em></p>
<p class="font-dimblue">   - <em>Frightened? What nonsense are you saying? </em>- His voice trembled, and his tone was altered. It was obvious he was getting defensive.</p>
<p class="font-murkyyellow">   - <em>And, besides, it wasn't the first time it has happened to you.</em></p>
<p class="font-dimblue">   - <em>There's nothing wrong with me! Are you going to hold me here until you find out I'm right?</em></p>
<p class="font-green">   - <em>The captain is correct. You also experienced this when you came back from the Mirror reality.</em></p>
<p>   Hearing that made him speechless. Spock expected an objection, but he didn't get it. He was puzzled by that, though then he remembered Kirk's words: McCoy had been left alone with Mirror Spock in the medical bay, and some time later this one carried him dragged to the transporter room. The Vulcan was certain that whatever was tormenting Bones had happened at that time.</p>
<p class="font-green">   - <em>Captain, could you let us discuss this issue in private?</em></p>
<p>   Jim stood for a moment without answering, perplexed, but then he knew that Spock would be able to get the words out of the doctor, so he agreed. Bones, as soon as he saw Kirk leave his quarters and leave him alone with the Vulcan, panicked, though he couldn't move from where he stood.</p>
<p class="font-green">   - <em>Doctor, it is necessary to sit down.</em></p>
<p>   But McCoy hadn't listened. He was too busy concentrating on keeping his body from giving way and falling to the floor. Spock saw that he wasn't following him, so he grabbed his arm. The doctor was visibly startled and withdrew his arm as soon as possible, while his heart rate rose dizzily.</p>
<p class="font-green">   - <em>Doctor</em> - this time he said it in a warmer, more human voice - <em>let's sit down.</em></p>
<p>   He took his arm again, but now more gently, and guided him to the bed, where they sat down. Seeing that McCoy was not very comfortable with him beside, he moved a little away, leaving a distance of about two metres between them.</p>
<p class="font-green">   - <em>You need to tell me what happened to you.</em></p>
<p>   Bones looked up and his eyes met the Vulcan's, though only brief moment, since he looked quickly down at the floor. His hands began to sweat and his body began to shake, imperceptibly, even though he felt as if he would break into a thousand pieces. He opened his mouth to say something, but no sound came out: he had a lump in his throat. Spock was going to comment something, but seeing how hard McCoy was trying to speak, he let him concentrate. After ten minutes without saying a word, a sigh from the doctor broke the long silence.</p>
<p class="font-dimblue">   - <em>Spock…</em></p>
<p>   The Vulcan focused his gaze on the doctor as soon as he heard his name.</p>
<p class="font-dimblue">   - <em>I... I guess I can't keep it from you any longer.</em></p>
<p>   Spock waited for McCoy to head his eyes towards him, but that didn't happen. Bones was searching for the words to explain everything to the Vulcan, finding it highly difficult.</p>
<p class="font-dimblue">   - <em>W-when... ahem... </em>- he tried to clear his throat - <em>when we were transported to the other reality... It was... it was horrible. You could trust no one, anyone could betray you. And the instruments... they had torture machines everywhere... But that wasn't the worst of it...</em></p>
<p>   Spock listened attentively. He didn't want to speak so as not to distract him, nor did he approach him, he remained still, without making any movement.</p>
<p class="font-dimblue">   - <em>We were on our way back, but the other Spock appeared. He attacked us. We knocked him unconscious. I wanted to see if he was all right, so I stayed in sickbay while the others prepared the transporter.</em></p>
<p>   His voice began to tremble. He felt like he was lacking oxygen, so he started to breathe agitatedly. He felt like crying, but tried to hold back as he kept talking.</p>
<p class="font-dimblue">   - <em>That Spock woke up, and I didn't notice. H-he got closer to me... and I... I couldn't do anything... He... he... he...</em></p>
<p>   From that point on, McCoy found it hard to go on. He remembered the feeling too well, and it was how he felt at that moment, showing Spock everything. He made an effort and continued. He swallowed and the Vulcan could hear him.</p>
<p class="font-dimblue">   - <em>He m-mind-melded with me.</em></p>
<p>   Spock was imagining it, but hearing McCoy say it in such a terrified tone made his hair stand on end. After all, this Vulcan technique was very restricted, and should be used with great care, asking the person who was going to experiment it beforehand, and above all, taking care not to alter the foundations on which the mental health and memories of the volunteer are upholded.</p>
<p class="font-dimblue">   - <em>H-he made me remember everything, even memories I thought I'd forgotten, I felt the same way I felt then. But... he didn't stop... h-he didn't stop there...</em></p>
<p>   McCoy was speaking in a tone so low that was almost inaudible. Yet it was loud enough for Spock's fine hearing. The doctor felt as if his whole body was going to leave him forever. He continued his story.</p>
<p class="font-dimblue">   - <em>There was a moment... when I felt that I-I was not inside my body, as if... I was floating nowhere, unprotected, in front of him... I thought I-I would die, that he would kill me... I felt a terrible p-pain in my whole being and a feeling of emptiness that was growing...</em></p>
<p>   As he was saying it, McCoy was remembering it, he was feeling it again. It seemed as if he was going to lose control and sanity. His tone became more desperate, terribly frightened. He had closed his eyes tightly, his muscles were rigid, his whole body was trembling and he was sweating a lot. He shook his head to push away the sensation and tears of anguish came from his eyes. Spock, who was well aware of the horrors Bones was going through, tried to reassure him. He had already discovered the cause of the doctor's unhealthy behaviour and did not want him to be tormented any further.</p>
<p class="font-green">   - <em>Doctor</em></p>
<p>   When he saw that he didn't react when he called out to him, he approached him and put his hand on McCoy's shoulder.</p>
<p class="font-green">   - <em>Listen to me! Calm down, nothing is happening to you. Look at my eyes. Look at me!</em></p>
<p>   McCoy raised his head and their gazes met. Bones' eyes were filled with tears and his expression was a look of despair, the likes of which the Vulcan had never seen him before. The doctor, when he saw Spock's gaze, perceived it differently, even though it seemed to be the same as always. It was calm, peaceful, full of understanding and sorrow. Anyone would think he was feeling McCoy's pain. Inwardly, the Vulcan understood his feelings, even if he wouldn't admit it.</p>
<p>   Bones felt relieved for the first time in weeks. He had released everything that had built up inside him. He needed affection, love, someone to hug him, like if he was a small child. Spock didn't know how to comfort him, he wasn't very good at sentimental matters. He tried holding his hands, taking care of Vulcan manners.</p>
<p class="font-green">   - <em>Doctor... I am ready to help you get through this stage. You can tell me and request me anything you want.</em></p>
<p>   His voice was soft and that pleased McCoy, who took advantage of the fact that he was holding his hands to lean his head against his shoulder. The Vulcan was not expecting that and it made him blush, although he remained in that position. Bones wept silently. Once he had calmed down, he spoke.</p>
<p class="font-dimblue">   - <em>Spock...</em> - he let a few seconds that seemed eternal pass by - <em>I need you to tell me that you'll protect me.</em></p>
<p>   Spock could never have imagined McCoy saying that, least of all to him. He could feel the temperature in the room rising, no matter how much he was used to the heat the Vulcans needed. His cheeks flushed (more than they already were) and he felt a pleasant shiver. Did he feel self-conscious, embarrassed? Quickly, he wanted to control his emotions, to think like a Vulcan, to treat this as a matter of course, as if he felt nothing, as if he did this every day. Meanwhile, the doctor had rested his beautiful, bright blue eyes upon him. Wait a minute... "beautiful and bright"... since when did Spock use abstract and clearly emotional adjectives? He looked away to focus. Bones felt himself blushing as well. "I shouldn't have said that," he thought to himself. But the Vulcan's voice made him rethink his regret.</p>
<p class="font-green">   - <em>Doctor... </em>- it was difficult for him to speak at the time - <em>... I will protect you.</em></p>
<p>   McCoy felt a great warmth inside him, and he squeezed Spock's hands tighter in his. The Vulcan saw Bones' mouth twist into a smile, which grew wider and wider. It had been a long time since he had seen him smile. Then the doctor released Spock's hands and melted him in a nice, sweet cuddle, which they both enjoyed.</p>
<p>   Ten minutes or so later, they emerged from their captain's room. This one was still outside, waiting for them with some impatience, leaning against the wall opposite his door.</p>
<p class="font-murkyyellow">   - <em>Well? You've been there a while. You'd better have sorted things out. I was beginning to think I'd have to go somewhere else to sleep </em>- he joked as he saw that McCoy was looking better. He could see that his body expression was more relaxed, and his facial muscles were in a smiling position.</p>
<p class="font-dimblue">   - <em>You'll have to bear me for a lot longer, sir.</em></p>
<p class="font-murkyyellow">   - <em>I wouldn't want it any other way. Anything you want to tell me? What was going on you?</em></p>
<p>   Before answering that question, the Vulcan and Bones shared a glance. In the prior moment they got out, they had promised themselves to leave the issue only between the two of them.</p>
<p class="font-green">   - <em>It is not a matter of which you should concern, Captain.</em></p>
<p class="font-dimblue">   - <em>Yeah, it's no big deal. Let bygones be bygones. Will you be able to live with that answer?</em></p>
<p class="font-murkyyellow">   - <em>I guess... I know that if you don't want to tell me anything, you will keep your secret well withheld, no matter how hard I try to get it out of you.</em></p>
<p>   Kirk understood that they didn't want to tell him, although he did insist on asking them several times later, until it slipped his mind. And so it was that everything returned to normal on the Enterprise, and the relationship between Spock and McCoy was further strengthened by the intimate moment they shared.</p>
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